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| Billy talks about one of the first S.P. guitars. |
[Oct. 20th, 2009|06:11 pm] |
I bought this guitar around 1989 or 1990 because I needed a spare for playing live, and wanted an almost identical sound to go with my main one at the time which was an early 70's Strat (yellow that I hand painted). THAT guitar was the featured guitar on Gish and was probably my favourite guitar ever. It was stolen in 1992 out the back door of St. Andrews Hall in Detroit and has never resurfaced. I would still pay good $ to get that guitar back, no questions asked. So THIS guitar is the last remnant of that period of my life, and I really cherish it. It was painted ala Eric Clapton's cream era guitar by my friend crazy Nick. As you can see it's taken a bit of a beating back from a time when I used to throw my guitars around like candy. The history of this guitar is its a 1978 'bullet' Strat with the flat pickups (as opposed to the staggered pole pieces). I preferred these pickups at that time because it allowed for maximum gain by running the pickups up really close to the strings. This guitar does have some recording history of note, as it was the guitar I would use for solos as it seemed to just have more cut than the main one. So all the solos on Gish were done with this guitar. It has a vicious attack as you can hear on songs like 'Tristessa', 'I Am One', 'Rhinocerous', and 'Siva'. I'm fixing this guitar up now and I hope to use it again soon. I've started using more old-school amplification, like my 1969 Marshall Super Tremolo head (currently ailing) so guitars with this kind of cut are what I'm looking for. It makes me laugh that I'm sort of back to where I started when it comes to gain and attack. I see the BC Dimarzio pickups as more the modern application of gain, and the older type pickups as a more vintage approach to the use of gain.
  
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| New Smashing Pumpkins album |
[Sep. 16th, 2009|04:55 pm] |
I'm happy to finally announce the plans for the new Smashing Pumpkins album.
Recording began yesterday, September 15th, 2009 on the new record which will be entitled 'Teargarden by Kaleidyscope'. The album will feature 44 songs, 4 of which are now being recorded. My desire is to release a song at a time beginning around Halloween of this year, with each new release coming shortly after until all 44 are out. Each song will be made available absolutely for free, to anyone anywhere. There will be no strings attached. Free will mean free, which means you won't have to sign up for anything, give an email address, or jump through a hoop. You will be able to go and take the song or songs as you wish, as many times as you wish.
We will however sell highly limited edition EP's (of 4 songs each times 11), and details of how those EP's will be made available are still being worked out. Because the songs themselves will be free, the EP's will be more like collectors items for the discerning fan who will want the art itself, along with the highest possible audio quality available. The EP's will be more like mini-box sets rather than your normal cd single. We may also offer other variations for sale, say for example a digital single with a demo version of a song. The commitment that is most important is the one I'm making to you: that the music of 'Teargarden by Kaleidyscope' will be available for free to everyone. All 44 songs: free for ALL.
When the entire album is finished, it will be compiled into a deluxe box set which will also be made available for sale. Those who have bought the EP's need not worry, as the box set will not be a recompilation of the limited edition pieces.
The story of the album is based on 'The Fool's Journey', as signified in the progress of the Tarot. It is my intention to approach this by breaking down the journey of our life here into four phases as made by these different characters; the Child, the Fool, the Skeptic, and the Mystic.
The music of 'Teargarden by Kaleidyscope' harkens back to the original psychedelic roots of The Smashing Pumpkins: atmospheric, melodic, heavy, and pretty.
I already have 53 songs written for the record, so I am quite confident that I already have much of the material that I would need to undertake such an extensive project. I am very committed to seeing this album through to its completion and very, very excited about the prospect of delivering new Smashing Pumpkins music to you in a unique and exciting way. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 22nd, 2009|04:58 pm] |
Just a little heads up for everyone on the Sky Saxon Memorial Show happening here in Los Angeles friday night...
What's been great so far has been in the spirit of Sky the Spirit! Everyone has been working together to put on a quality show. I'm excited that we will have Electric Prunes and Strawberry Alarm Clock people in the house, Nels from Wilco, 2 of the original members of the Seeds, and a whole host of others all pitching in to honor Sky in the best way possible. And it's in the way he would have wanted it, which is a great, big, loud party.
We are rehearsing today for our part of the show. It seems like I haven't been on stage in years...and years and years...
Hope to see you there. It should be fun! Much different than an SP show ha ha, because you see those are like therapy...only therapy at this show will be the Seeds and the Alarm Clock and the Prunes taking you so far out of your head forward that you'll wish you could go climb back, back, further back before time. |
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| Pumpkins By Any Other Name |
[Jul. 13th, 2009|10:12 am] |
Billy Corgan took it upon himself to post a response to Supervajra's recent article, "Pumpkins by Any Other Name." His response is below.
I really appreciate this article, and I commend Supervajra for having the courage to write it. Addressing the 'who's in the band' concept on this website is not the easiest thing for anyone to do. Afterall, I am not really telling anyone much about what I am up to these days, and we are all a far ways away from what the cozy alternative music scene was like in the late 80's. I certainly didn't think when I started up with James Iha at my dad's house in 1987 I would be where I am today (musically, spiritually, emotionally).
The idea of identity is a strange one to tackle. For many years, I treated the idea of the band named The Smashing Pumpkins as an existential concept that exsisted away from my being and body. It was sort of 'over there', if you will. Jimmy leaving in 1996 made me deal quite heavily with the concept of loyalty to the 2 members who were left (James and D'arcy) as our relationships at that time were quickly drifting apart. And so on, and so forth, thru the different people coming and going. In the center of any of it has been for me, speaking personally, my music. Yes, MY music. The music that came out of this being and body. I've called the umbrella the songs came out under different names but to me I guess there really wasn't a whole lot of difference. As they say, a song is a song.
What the future holds is unknown to me. I am 100pct committed to the future of SP. I can tell you that. 100pct!! I've never been happier about being in SP, or a part of SP, than I am now.
The music I am making sounds like The Smashing Pumpkins. It doesn't sound like solo work, I can assure you of that. But only when you hear the music can you decide for yourself. I'm not worried, because I know most of you are rooting for me to get it right. I want to get it right, but not for you, for me. Its been a long journey to get back to where I started. There have been many sad days along the road, but honestly, these are really happy days.
We've all seen over the past 2 weeks what happens when a man loses touch with his hope, his spirit, and his music. The path I am on is one of feeling reborn by my love for my music. I wasn't really deep down sure I could get back here, but I am here.
I will never say to you what people say to me all the time, which is that 'I am the band'. I am not 'the band', I am just the leader of the band. I only want people around me who respect me and my music. I think that is a healthy thing to want, and is consistent with the ideas of holistic living. What would you say about me if I worked with people who didn't care about me or my music? Isn't that a form of selling out?
There is a lot of discomfort as we watch our world change quite quickly before our eyes. Familiarity breeds a sort of security, but it also breeds contempt. If you know anything about me, you should know you won't catch me. Smashing Pumpkins is not a concept 'over there' anymore. Its where it has always been. Right HERE.
Get it? Got it? Good! (Wrestling catch phrase from B.G. James)
Love always from one of my 701 personalities
BC! |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 25th, 2009|03:22 pm] |
Recently I read a post by another famed alt-rocker from my generation lamenting the negative cultures of the internet...how its inherent narcissism ruins a lot of good fun for everyone because those that shout the loudest and are the most obsessive are able to control a dialogue over things that in the normal discourse of real life wouldn't be that big a deal...I have watched with great interest over the last 15 or so years the rise of the web and how it has given form to new social dynamics and single-handedly helped to blow up the music business that I think I used to belong to...as a interested observer, let me say then that I am fully aware that nothing I say here will change anything as it pertains to any negativity lingering proudly in the human soul, because that is a decision that only comes thru and from the collective; when a majority of us are tired of such constant poison that we'll scream 'enough' at the top of our lungs and the idiots get drowned out by those who have sat silently waiting till they can take it no more...I am more silent these days than not, an ironic fact of which I am criticized by fans for not feeding them with enough vacant info to their liking, but nicely applauded with apathy by those that don't care should I live or die...after all, aren't I a horrible, detestable creature that would dare go his own way in life?...shame on me for not being one of the sheeple!!
I have tried in vain to create a positive, loving website that takes into great effect those that would use it most...I hear quite often not to let the bad apples in this bunch that do visit the site far too often ruin it for the rest of those that aren't so destructive and are capable to see the forest from the trees...the point being 'hey Billy, its just the way of the world, don't be so sensitive'...
That's a similar logic I heard when I first started in music and I was told certain things were not possible with my band or my tunes...my point to you is just because everyone accepts something dumb doesn't make it good or whole or essential...in essence their point is, yes, the website is a reflection on the larger culture as a whole, and I am powerless to stop it... Todays laughter was me being criticized for a post that had info about a charity that was offering (to the highest bidder) a lunch with me. Unfortunately, unknown to me, the info stated that lunch was on the person who won the auction. Having never offered myself for a charity lunch date before, I was curious to see what fans might say about it. I was surprised to see a minor detail I was unaware of that said the winner must pay the bill at lunch turn into an attack on me and my supposed fortune. What an asshole I am to not want to buy lunch?
I bring this to your attention because this is exactly what's to be expected in a mean and bitter world. Every act, no matter how kind or caring must be viewed thru the dim lens of ambition, greed, power, and ultimately selfishness. There must be an ulterior motive to all of this, right?? A charity lunch just can't be as simple as that. The awareness raised for the charity means nothing against what its going to do for my career...and what a career its been! And thank God someone gets to fit the bill for my meal!
Yes I'm being sarcastic but the sad part is someone out there will read this and think the worst, never seeing the darkness and avarice in their own heart...
I've made a pledge to lead a different kind of business, and it must begin with this website, which stands as the public face of Smashing Pumpkins World Domination Corp.
What do I wish to dominate with? Love and good music...did he just say love and good music? Now I know he's insane...
Love means nothing against someone with something to say.
So I'll get to my point. This website is going to change. It is going to transform into something that is consistent with the concepts of love, grace, and community. We are not looking backwards anymore, only forward. I for one am willing to stand for something good here, in this little corner of the blogosphere, and say it's time.
What makes the things I'm saying here even more real to me is the passing of my dear friend Sky Sunlight Saxon. Sky lived everyday with the concept of LOVE as his guide, and he walked the talk. He was a spiritual warrior who would tell me that Yahowa knew the beauty of our hearts, and that musicians were the living prophets of the world. So in Sky's memory I am going to re-dedicate this website to represent the things he cared about most; love, life, music, his spiritual family, and the protection of all God's creatures, big and small.' |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 5th, 2009|07:01 pm] |
Good Friday y'all...
Just wanted to take a moment to say hello to everyone, wishing you well from here to there. Still working hard on getting these darn songs together. This past week has been trying to take the best one's and get them ready to record, which means some kind of realized arrangement and lyrics, which requires some teeth pulling and self-flaggelation to get me to say anything at all. Whatever happened to me during that poetry tour of 2004 has made it quite difficult for me to open up the channel to speak freely. Working on it.
I recently got to visit C Love in the studio and she looked and sounded great, as she is still working hard to complete her album. Also got to go to game 7 of the Lakers-Rockets series. I even went to see Star Trek which I thought was quite good. So you see, even I go outside sometimes. I am thinking quite hard of writing a book, had a meeting about it. Still looking for the right guidance on what I'm trying to really say. Again, refer back to 2004 for the root of where the obstacle comes from.
As I said recently, I am still on target for putting out new music in October. There certainly is no shortage of ideas to choose from. And I think I have my drummer of the future. I've worked with him so far for one week and all indications are really good that he's the man for the job. Going to work with him some more before it becomes official. Whoever takes the job has quite big shoes to fill, no doubt about it. I see Jeff every once in awhile as he's been busy with work. I hear there is a Lassie Foundation gig coming up I think this week so anybody in LA try to check out Jeff's band. Spoke to Ginger the other day about maybe getting together and playing. This I have to see because she is so tiny and all the reports I'm getting are that she is the cutest pregnant woman ever so I guess she'll be playing sitting down? I've never played with a pregnant woman before so I'm not sure how it all works. Guess I should have paid more attention in biology.
Keep those prayers coming, I need 'em...
God bless all the SP fans. Its a life of suffering, I know :)
L, BC Sent by a lost soul... |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 28th, 2009|05:47 pm] |
Hey Every-One!
An update then for the curiouser of you on what's going on with the art film/album making and the ol' SP archives...
Presently I am working a whole lot on new songs. At this point I have over 25+ ideas in the air and am just now reviewing everything to try to whittle the pile back down. Part of the challenge of doing such a sweeping concept record is to find some core consistency in the work, feed the bigger story line with some tangential narratives, and have some sense of where it all goes in the end. Having done Machina and Mellon Collie, 2 albums that were in the 50+ song range, I at least have the experience of when that material goes right and how it easily gets lost in the shuffle. I think the current approach of only recording a song at a time will at least address some of those past pitfalls. I personally am quite happy with the work and I feel I've found some of what I was looking for when I came back to SP. There is a real vitality to the new work that feels futuristic, and that always excites me. Still am shooting for the end of summer (Aug-Sept) to start recording, so hopefully the first song(s) will be dropping from the sky in October!
As far as the daily album updates go, for the moment that project continues to be on hold...the logistics of putting everyone together to make it happen with the short turnaround to this point is just too much for me to take on on top of writing the material. What was supposed to be 'fun' and 'groundbreaking' quickly turned into the SOS (translation: same old stuff!). I've learned not to let concepts come at the expense of the quality of the writing and so far this has been the case. Currently shooting for a short term window of work (4-6 weeks), which is obviously far down from the 12 weeks initially proposed. I'm crossing my fingers, because I still think that it can inform the work and add a layer to it that it doesn't currently have. But honestly it also exposes heartfelt work to a vibration that I'm not sure belongs along side it. Jury is still out. See 'If All Goes Wrong' for insight into how much the world cares about new music ha ha! Seriously though, thinking up new ideas and implementing them are 2 different worlds as far as creativity goes. I am currently 'alone' in all this, and I must be honest with myself to try to achieve the most positive attitude moving forward.
Ok, so some current thoughts on archives...
I have started marching down the path on a 'one release at a time strategy' but I am starting to believe this will not work. If I look at what is succesful in other parts of the musick-biz (and it does make me sick), the best examples right now are ones that derive max impact for least amount of effort. A single release at a time, no matter how worthy or illuminating will require us (which is currently only Frank and I) to get your attention each and every time. Let's be realistic, that's just not going to happen, nor are there enough of y-o-u to assume that each and every release will be worth the intrinsic effort. If you asked me today which way I am leaning, I'm starting to think that a boxset-type model is the best scenario to keep everything simple and easy. It is still at the end of the day too big a leap to take without being sure. For those that continue to demand music right now, I ask you to have some compassion and quite possibly some common sense. I know my getting involved in the archives makes no common sense to me. Too much hassle. So why am I getting involved? Because it's my life's work and I want this stuff available. It's that simple.
With Lots of Love, WPC |
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| Message from Billy |
[Apr. 9th, 2009|03:39 pm] |
Hello from sunny California, where I'm currently working with some of my friends on new SP songs. The mood here is relaxed, serene, and studious as my pals are helping me with some TLC to zero-in on the new direction that I'm trying to take the music. I've made many, many mistakes through the years, and one of them is that I often rush headlong into my next album without really taking the time to reflect on what I've just done, and test my resolve a little on where I'm going. One small detail that I think was beneficial to the band in the early years was we practiced a lot. It wasn't uncommon to have weeks where we practiced 30+ hours, which may not sound like a lot but at high volume this was very fatiguing, and of course exciting too. Through all that playing you would easily come into contact with the emotional value of whether or not a song 'worked', so to speak. Add to that another 20-30 hours per week at home writing music and lyrics, and you can see I was very immersed in that process of checking my ideas between head, home, heart, and practice.
Right now we are just focused on about 5 or 6 songs, using them to try out some new feels to try to find a consistent foundation upon which to build this large multimedia project I have in mind. 44 seems to be the magic #, so let's say I'm shooting for 44 songs on this one. I'll get to how I plan to release them later. Because the work will be conceptual in nature planning it all out also I think will help keep me from losing my way in the evil forest.
I'm going to step right into the heat of the matter now and address the infamous 'why?' question. The why being 'why' I have chosen to continue on under the Smashing Pumpkins banner considering I am the only remaining original member? The simple answer is that when I decided to write and record again under the name The Smashing Pumpkins in 2005, I committed myself 100 pct. 100pct of my mind-body-soul to come back and make the band really be great again, and I feel in tune to SP in a way I haven't felt in tune probably since 1995 or 1996. As they say in No Limit Poker, I'm 'all in'. I'm not going to back out of the challenge in front of me now. I'm absolutely exhilarated by what I see and feel the future to be for SP. There is a difference in how I think and approach a body of work for the Pumpkins then say I would as a solo artist or under any other name. Being the near lone songwriter for the Pumpkins has always made me want to put all the diverse harmonic fragments in my mind together, and it has been an incredible musical journey so far to keep trying to match up to the size of that idea. I truly am not focused on where I've been now as much as where I am going, and I haven't felt that way for a very long time.
I appreciate that for many fans, the public part of my musical journey has often been quite confusing. I've tried to explain many times in both public and private venues that it's really not so different than a character on tv who embodies the role they are in. I don't think there is anything inauthentic about my play-acting within those created personas (zero, the whyte spider, the sad guy, the vampyre, etc) and acting them out on the grand stage in front of the glare of whoever cares. That to me IS what rock and roll is about. But many lack the sophistication to appreciate that just because I play a baby-faced killa upon the darkened stage that it doesn't come close to who I really am. I would point very gently to the diversity and complexity of my artistic work to give you some sense of who Billy Corgan really is (that is a joking 3rd person by the way). Part-alien, part-human, part-robot, part-star-crossed lover and part-mercury filled apparently if one was to read the songs in that way. I am a sensitive soul and I make no apologies for that. As Popeye said, ”I yam who I yam”. Or in my case maybe it’s ”I am who I ain’t.”
I am at peace now with the idea that SP is worth bringing to life again and again, because the challenge of the band's shadow has inspired some great work. It's also just a name, THE Smashing Pumpkins (it just rolls off the tongue, don't it??). It’s a dumb name, but I choose it cause I thought it was funny (yes, funny in 1987 ha ha). All that aside, what the band represents to me and obviously to so many fans SYMBOLICALLY is what is really important in my opinion moving forward. I think the energy in the Pumpkins community is fantastic right now. I love the diversity of opinion and perspective. There is nothing to argue about there. But at least there is something to argue over! Meaning SP is substantive once again; there are new songs, questionable decisions, abject failures, and unique triumphs to dissect over and over. Enjoy!
I do plan on doing other things coming up though. I have notions to start 2 other bands and also release some more solo work. I would love to get into more details on those projects but I would like to secure the domain names first because I don't want to have to fight to get them back later. It’s bad enough that I have someone posing as me on Twitter LOL...the general idea is the work of the other groups and solo may intertwine with the SP album as far as a release schedule would go. But I'm all ready ahead of myself there.
So let's get down to business and talk about what the plans are ahead. First up is/are the drum tryouts on the 14th/April. We've received a staggering amount of submissions so far (over 1,000!), so let me say to everyone who has submitted thank you and God Bless you for having the courage to throw your name out there. The auditions on the 14th are just the first round of trying people out. There is no 'hurry' at the moment, as I'm not quite ready to record yet, and it’s possible I may need more than one drummer for what my plans are. So for someone who may think they would never get a chance there is still time in the months ahead to keep trying. I view it as a process to find the right person(s) and it's important that the right consideration is given. Jeff and I will be holding the first round of auditions, with me on bass (lookout!).
As I stated earlier in this post we've just been rocking amongst friends, so for the moment Kerry Brown, my best man and co-producer is manning the skins. The past few days we had Daxx Nielsen in to play on a few things, who is a great drummer himself. Lord forbid I would want 44 different drummers on 44 different tracks, but I suppose anything is possible.
Ok, album plans: first off, I still plan on making an album. I know this may contradict with what I've said publicly but I think I just didn't state what I meant clearly. I meant I don't think I'm going to make albums in the old-fashioned way, meaning 12-15 songs, etc in one small package. My desire at this point would be to release one song at a time, over a period of 2-3 years, with it all adding up to a box set/album of sorts that would also include an art movie of the album. (Sounds like a lot of work, don't it??) My thinking is that if I focus on one song at a time I would approach them as beautiful, distinct paintings that would each require the attention they deserve. This would also mean I would choose what I am recording quite carefully as there would be tremendous internal pressure to get it just right, and that is the kind of pressure I like, which is to make the most beautiful thing possible. I've gotten lost many times during the long haul of making a record and have overlooked some great songs because of that. The new standard for an SP song would that it be excellent and fantastic and most importantly essential or it’s not coming out. I will do my best to meet that intention fully. So soon I will announce (hopefully) that I've begun the process, May being the most likely 'start' date. I will continue on from 'there' until whatever date it all seems finished. That would probably be marked by the release of the final artwork package and the movie. So lots of details to be worked out as you can see. I plan on the first actual song release coming in September. For the new SP I don't think I would be interested in a subscription model unless it was something where enough people wanted a daily access to the work (in progress). I guess we as a community could throw out how many people would be interested in that as an idea. It would definitely have to be something that would be worth the effort on all sides.
Speaking of subscription models, I think Frank Quinto is doing a great job so far as Archive Czar keeping all of us in the loop on his progress. I can say from my end right now the biggest hurdle is sorting out the business side with our former label EMI (once Virgin). As some of you know, there are currently 3 lawsuits; the band is suing EMI, 2 of my former band mates are suing EMI, and EMI is suing me because of the ex-bandmember lawsuit. Thankfully EMI has shown a willingness to try to sort this out and God willing it will be resolved soon. My hope is to have access to all of the unreleased materials (with the contractual rights clearly worked out) so that I can set a plan in motion to get it all out over the next decade. That would be the best way, but sometimes that is not the way it works out. I do have all the Gish unreleased rights, but I don't want to kick start that and by the time we get to Siamese have a whole legal mess on our hands and then have to stop our momentum. It’s all or nothing with the archives. Those with a positive attitude can see that as a blessing because it means if stuff starts to come out it's all coming out.
It is really important for me to re-state first and foremost that the band will remain now and forever about making new music. This is where most of our energy over here belongs. That doesn't say or mean to say anything negative about the past. In fact my posture on it is consistent with the original band vision, which was to always push forward. I'm not about to change that now. That doesn't mean we can't be smart and live in the world of 2009 and approach opportunities with a fresh mindset. Together we can find the right balance.
Many of the old indie-world values that people throw about without context were BS back in the day, and I said so back then too. I am no poster boy for alt-nation because alt-nation found its heroes elsewhere. You can have those heroes now. I am my own man from this day forward. The day SP gets proper credit for what it got right is the day that this can be a different conversation about what I may or may not be entitled to. The funny thing about being left out in the cold is you get used to the temperature.
I want to be quite candid here and say some things I don't think I've ever shared. For many years I've been really unhappy with the stupidity of the music business (that's no secret!). But now I am free from corporate meddling. No contracts, no deadlines to meet, nothing but rainbows ha ha... My wish is that from this day forward this group will represent nothing but love and light. If you see BC out there griping, it is only because I have failed to set the proper conditions to be in the love and light with you. The fan is NOT responsible in any way, shape, or form for my happiness or the my ability to do my job. (Nor have they ever been) If I have given that impression to any of you through the years I am sorry about that. That was an error on my part. When a fan comes to an SP show we owe it to you to put on the best show possible, rain or shine. I believe the days of standing on a stage somewhere in the world feeling torn about why I am up there are over. SP will be about peace from this day forward as well. The music WILL also reflect this shift in devotion and humble gratitude. You shall see!
I would like to end by saying thank you to those who pray for me, and send me well wishes and support. It means a lot to me that there are fans out there who see me as the humble human I truly am. Public life is a brutal, weird game that I have chosen to play for my own convoluted reasons my OWN way. I wish it was as simple as being about the trappings normally associated with fame! If only life were so simple. But it ain’t...but that too shall change. SP can and will represent a new kind of way of connecting my music with you in a way that leaves both parties feeling better for it. You have my personal promise on that. |
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| Drummer Jimmy Chamberlin leaves The Smashing Pumpkins |
[Mar. 20th, 2009|11:56 pm] |
The SMASHING PUMPKINS' guitarist, singer, songwriter and founding member Billy Corgan has announced that drummer Jimmy Chamberlin has left the group. Chamberlin joined the band Corgan founded in Chicago in 1988 and played on all their albums except Adore (1998). Corgan will continue to write and record as the SMASHING PUMPKINS with plans to head into the studio this spring.
( Jimmy blogs ) |
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| Message from me |
[Feb. 26th, 2009|11:55 am] |
Since it's a new year, let's try something new...
Let's try to forgive each other, support each other, be kind in our words and deeds, and get out of judging each other...
The world around us right now is very complicated...
I for one am very confused by much of the information I come across...
I am concerned about so many losing their jobs, homes, and peaceful lives under an increasingly curious set of circumstances...there are however new opportunities to be had, even in the worst of times...we are all affected by the changes that are going on on a global scale...the politics of egoism and cultural divides mean very little if you can't support your family, or help those in need, even if you want to help...it is a test for us now to find how to heal each other...i believe very strongly in the power of prayer to affect change and welcome in forgiveness...
I don't mind asking publicly for your forgiveness...if I have offended you somewhere along the way, out of my own ignorance or fear, please forgive me...it would be part of my own healing to be forgiven...
I can honestly say that if I have ever wanted to do anything in this life it has been to heal others thru my work...i have failed many times to shine some light in this world, but I can still try and try again...
B |
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| Clarification from my interview with Greg Kot in the Chicago Tribune. |
[Dec. 9th, 2008|11:16 pm] |
I enjoyed talking to Greg. He is a very well-liked and respected writer, and outside of one small misquote (I don't recall saying we needed to write songs like '1999'. I think I said '1979'), the interview is an accurate potrayal of my feelings. But let's be clear here. I never said I would never play any old songs ever again. That's just drama if that's what people hear, or want to hear. What I've said is that we aren't going to play most of those old songs any more because it locks us into permanent reunion band mode, and we are over it. For some fans to be upset at a band that plays 48 songs over 2 nights, the great majority of which are old, shows you the level of insanity we deal with. The word is called entitled. If they are entitled to demand, we are entilted to be who we are without reservation. There is no apology in that. We feel good, happy, and strong, and that should be the story here. Nobody owns us. We own us. Where is the happy ending of 'the band that once self-destructed is back and playing great and is looking forward to the future?'
If you come see us on some crazy big tour you will hear a few familiar songs, because that is the right forum for it. But it certainly won't be the main focus. When we play small venues we won't be playing those songs pretty much at all cause that won't be the place for it anymore. But that doesn't mean we are even gonna play at all. It doesn't make sense to some now and we understand and we are ok with those that leave because they are stuck in some year from a different decade. We'll be fine without them. Thanks, and goodbye. Just remember us when we say 'I told you so'. Because we are on our way back, and that's that. (Insert smiley face right fucking here). As I said to some fans, if after 20 years we are one song, or one show away from losing your loyalty, good riddance then. We don't need that energy around us.
Our message has been consistent: don't ask us to do or be anything that will once again lead to the death of the band. The band's survival comes first. We can debate aesthetics and marketing platforms later. If you want us to fall away, fade away like some dust and relics it aint gonna happen. We are here to stay. We deserve to be here, and are proud of what we have gotten right thru the years. And we are truly grateful to those fans that trust us like family. The kind of extended family where you can make a mistake, say something not quite the right way, and still be welcomed home. There will never be anything wrong with flying too close to the sun.
God bless everybody here, BC |
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| Observations from a delayed traveler |
[Oct. 27th, 2008|03:15 pm] |
Sitting now at the San Jose airport, waiting for a flight to Los Angeles seeing as my other flight was canceled. I love airports! Their fake security, their non-stop noise, their Starbucks addicted minions milling about like a khaki apocalypse. Reminds me why I love America so. Remember: America, love it or leave it!
Last evening we were able to play for the first time as a 9 piece version of the band, which is very exciting. The more we let go of how the band is supposed to appear numbers-wise and more of what it is supposed to sound like heart-wise, the closer we get to a present kind of truth. It is very exciting to be making music again for the times we are living in. Playing live is such a big part of that. I had forgotten that in the fallow years of non SP, that connecting with the diverse backgrounds of our audience that has everything to do with finding that voice. I cannot thank those who attend our shows enough.
Of course, last night was not 'our show', more importantly it was 'their show', a concert to raise funds and awareness for the students of the Bridge School. We are really proud yet again to have been able to contribute to this wonderful school thru the dedication of Neil and Pegi Young, and of course, Elliot Roberts (our good friend and one-time manager of Zwan). Bridge School is the kind of place that makes me smile the biggest smile I can.
The night before we played the new Guitar Hero release party, which was great fun. I swore I kept hearing someone from the crowd yelling over and over, 'where are the Smashing Pumpkins?'. I think I imagined it but either way it made me chuckle to myself.
So two very different shows over 2 days, and we were able to play 4 new songs: Owata, A Song for a Son, As Rome Burns, and a 2012 version of Simon and Garfunkels 'The Sounds of Silence'. We've rehearsed now for 3 weeks for the 20th Anniversary tour, so I trust we have a few more suprises in store. That is, if you dare come to watch us piss on our own grave.
I've noticed in the run-up to the tour a few indications that seem to think that we are sentimental in announcing our 20th anniversary extravaganza. When you see the total set-list, particularly for the black crosses and white sunshine shows (or is it the other way round?), I don't think terms like 'harkening back' or 'sentimental' will be the words that will come to mind. This tour is a celebration of where we are, not where we've been. We are HERE! (With a big smile and a foot in your back) Enjoy it if you will, we realize its not for everybody. For that you have a whole army of fellaciators (is that even a word?) to gratefully service you. These are not angry words, by the way. We are having fun. Yes, who would have thunk it that after 20 years (or 21, who's counting?) we would not only be alive, but also loving our jobs and our shows and our experience of being in this group. The rest can go play their sad games of dominion and bridge-burning (meaning ubiquitous band 101 and 102). We have been there and have learned the lesson that there is no joy in it. Its a dead man's dance. Saying something as simple as 'we are real' is not grandiosity, it is fact. We are all real. We are all here. Life is an opportunity. We choose our opportunities wisely. Believe it or not we know what we are doing when we don't get along, don't play nice or fake our way thru the oblivion. So what about the consequences!!? What is life for if you don't make some waves or save a soul here or there? If anyone comes to this tour expecting a hand-holding, teary-eyed tribute to a dead band, forget it. That is long gone. Outside of 9 shows in 1999, that band hasn't existed whole since 1996.
Let me take this pause then to say a few things about our former bandmates...
We absolutely, without reservation, honor James and D'arcy. There is no qualification to that statement. We honor them IN FULL. They were there, then. And together we did some incredible things.
But let me go one step further. When Jimmy and I decided to move forward and begin again with SP we very openly addressed the question of James and D'arcy returning. We spoke honestly with each other about our feelings and personal reservations, and decided together that the door was open to them to return. Because it was the right thing to do. Honestly though it wasn't suprising to us that they didn't want to return, because that was consistent with their general position to date (and continues to be I might add), which is they see the band as something that they got away from for their own reasons. There were no conditions ever put on a return. They simply didn't even want the conversation with us.
I can now say definitively that they aren't ever coming back. Period. There is no maybe. If the door was once open to at least have the conversation and consider the possibility, it is now closed. For good. We have moved on. We love them, and we wish them well.
The Smashing Pumpkins are now whoever is standing on that stage, on any given day, with a willingness to play those songs. Not just any songs, those songs. Because its not just what we play, its how we play them. The music MUST come first. And that's just the way it is. And to the credit of Bruce Hornsby on the whim of a memory, some things will never change. We are who we are. I know what I see. I see what I know. And nothing I know compares to you...
I am not crazy. I am just free. The Smashing too now are free, and in that we are truly insane from the mad beat.
God Bless, with love from the 7th ray and the rainbow at the end of my heart,
William |
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| About the 20th Anniversary shows... |
[Sep. 24th, 2008|07:21 pm] |
Those of you that may have seen either the press release or any info out there about the tour may find yourself scratching your head a bit about the shows format. We tried to keep it simple but as is our custom, its just not always that simple!! SO I thought I would post up some additional info to make sure that there was absolute clarity about what shows would be going on where-when.
First off, the 2 night format is about playing the most songs over 2 nights that would hopefully create very distinct shows from one another. No song will be repeated means exactly as it sounds, if you go to show #1 of a 2 night stand (black sunshine!), you wouldn't hear anything on night # 2 (white crosses) that you heard song-wise on the first night.
The cities where we are playing only 1 show will feature an amalgamated show that will most likely have some songs we won't be playing in the 2 night format shows, but take from both the sunshine and the crosses show. Get it? I hope so...cause its a lot for us to digest as well.
Below is a list of shows, where I'll highlight just for overkill what show will be taking place:
Sunshine, Cross, or SS (special show for the one offs)
Sat 11/1 Cleveland, OH Palace Theatre (SS)
Mon 11/3 Toronto, ONT Massey Hall (sunshine)
Tue 11/4 Toronto, ONT Massey Hall (crosses)
Thu 11/6 New York, NY United Palace Theatre (sunshine)
Fri 11/7 New York, NY United Palace Theatre (crosses)
Sat 11/8 Atlantic City, NJ (SS) Borgata
Tue 11/11 Washington, DC DAR Constitution Hall (sunshine)
Wed 11/12 Washington, DC DAR Constitution Hall (crosses)
Fri 11/14 Boston, MA Wang Center (sunshine)
Sat 11/15 Boston, MA Wang Center (crosses)
Sun 11/16 Uncasville, CT Mohegan Sun Arena (SS)
Tue 11/18 Chicago, IL Chicago Theatre (sunshine)
Wed 11/19 Chicago, IL Chicago Theatre (crosses)
Fri 11/21 Chicago, IL Auditorium Theatre (sunshine)
Sat 11/22 Chicago, IL Auditorium Theatre (crosses)
Mon 11/24 Kansas City, MO Midland Theatre (sunshine)
Tue 11/25 Kansas City, MO Midland Theatre (crosses)
Wed 11/26 St. Louis, MO Fox Theatre (SS)
Sun 11/30 San Diego, CA RIMAC Arena (SS)
Tue 12/2 Los Angeles, CA Gibson Amphitheatre (sunshine)
Wed 12/3 Los Angeles, CA Gibson Amphitheatre (crosses) |
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| Hello from Chicago... |
[Aug. 27th, 2008|09:47 am] |
Hello from Chicago. A few thoughts to share, if you'll indulge. First, thanks to everyone who came out on this last tour. For me, that was the most exciting tour I've been on since before Jimmy left in 1996. I thought the band did a fantastic job, and I really appreciate the enthusiasm we saw towards what we were getting at. It seems like we have finally found what we have been looking for since we came back.
Secondly, I want to say openly that I am optimistic about a return to our site hosting a message board. What I would need to see is a constructive framework that would allow a whole host of thought and opinion in a positive way that brings fans together, and not further divide them. As you can see from the Media Militia writers, thoughtful opinion and criticism are welcome here.
Lastly, I would like to make a small declaration. For 20 years I have been asked 'what kind of music do you make?', and to be honest. I've never had a good answer. When I began playing seriously in 1985, there was no such thing as 'alternative music'. It was known then as 'new wave'. Alternative music seems to be the label that won, so I suppose that's what we get lumped in as. Once we were New Wave, then Post-Modern, then Grunge, and now just plain Alternative. And honestly, I've never liked any of those labels because it doesn't really cover what we do. In addition. Alternative Music has been hijacked by poseurs. No mystery there as to why.
Anyway, what I'm trying to say is I've found a label for our music that fits. And that is that we play 'American Gothic' music. Yes, I know that's the name of our e.p. that came out, but its not meant as a self serving self reference. I was attracted to the idea of an American Gothic movement musically because it embodies both the English ideal of gothic music and the decay of Americana. So that's us for now on. We play American Gothic music. Please use that label, its one I hope sticks :) blah blah |
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| Adore. |
[Jun. 2nd, 2008|05:58 pm] |
I was surprised when someone mentioned to me that today was the 10th anniversary of the Adore album...my first thought was surprise that it had been that long since, and how quickly time passes...it seems like a long time ago and yet, in some strange ways, not that far back either...
recently, when we went in to record 'Superchrist', it was the first time I had been back to Sunset Sound studios since the completion of the Adore album...some of the same people still work there, and spoke very kindly to me of the time spent making that album...we were working in another room for 'superchrist', but I did ask to go to peek inside the other room where many of the songs were cut, and it's funny how time can play tricks with your mind as far as the proportion of things...the tracking room was full of amps and guitars back then, and so empty it looked quite large...i could see in my mind's eye the three of us sitting in a small circle recording 'shame', a song I had just written that morning...and playing take after take after take of 'for Martha', the band in the main room and me at the piano in the isolation booth, trying to reach them thru glass...
the reaction at the time of the album's release, if memory serves me correctly, was overwhelming negative...it was a very naïve thing to try to do, to make an album that sounded little like the one before, and which spoke very openly about mourning and loss...D'arcy in particular was very critical at the time of the decision to even call it a Pumpkins album, saying that it really should have been my first solo album...then I didn't know what to think, because the hopes I placed on the album, mistaken as they were (that the band could be seen in a more open light that had more to do with artistry), were dashed in all the talk of what it didn't sound like and how it was a failure thru and thru...and secretly yearned that the embrace of it would heal some of the wounds of my mothers death and probably honestly the death of the band as well...but none of that worked, none of it came true, and it has been a circuitous journey ever since...it does seem to be the demarcation point of what was, and what became, and what might be...the fact that after 10 years the album has found it's warmer place here and there shows that it's birth and death and re-birth are very much in line with the themes of the album...which is one of hope, and taking a chance that the moment lived properly is ultimately more important than in what gets written down later...
i lived that album quite deeply, and maybe that's why I still can't listen to it...and I can no longer blame anyone if they don't either...it's one of 'those', an 'other', something apart...and the pun of the title, crude as it is, serves quite simply: Q: "when is a door not a door?"
A: "when it is a jar"
...see, bad joke... Q: "when is an album not an album?
A: "when it is a-dore..."
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| Message from Jimmy |
[Mar. 24th, 2008|01:12 pm] |
Hello music lovers.
As the tour winds down I would just like to say what a pleasure and an honor it was to play for so many of you. I try to never forget that my job is a sacred privilege. Music, the thing that binds you to me and all of us to the Universe is my light.
Let me also say that this band, The Smashing Pumpkins, will continue to write, record, release, and perform AS LONG AS WE ARE ABLE!
Some of you may have read bits of an interview that was done in confidence by yours truly in which I say that the Pumpkins probably won't record cd's anymore. What I meant by this is this: Although we may not use the "album" or "full length cd" as a format anymore, WE WILL WRITE AND RECORD MUSIC UNTIL WE ARE DEAD!!!!!!!! WE ARE NOT GOING AWAY!!!!!!!!
I could go on about how I was stolen from, violated, lied to by some ignoble journalist, but what's the point?
I choose light.
Love Jimmy. |
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| Dear Big Bright Lights in the Night Sky... |
[Dec. 18th, 2007|04:42 pm] |
I emerge from my seemingly eternal self-imposed silence to bring good news! The collective We is happy to announce that We have just finished a new acoustic e.p. entitled 'American Gothic' that features 4 new songs: - The Rose March
- Again, Again, Again (the crux)
- POX
- Sunkissed
 Even better is the news that these songs will be available on i-tunes starting January 2nd...the collective We looks forward to you hearing these new songs afresh and us playing them to you anew on the upcoming European and Australian tours... Since the holidays are upon us, the collective I would like to take this opportunity to give gratitude where it is due, and that is to those that are not hypnotized, or so numbed by darkness that they cannot hear the chime in my words...I wish you a warm holiday and a brilliant New Year to come, and may you get all you deserve! (again) From my heart to yours, sincerely, I hope you feel the love that we have for all of you, even for those of you who are lost and seeking, bruised and still keeping...i hope these words find you as well... The new day has finally come as we turn the corner on the end of one energy that no longer serves us and begin to embrace the new dawn that will...and no, I am not speaking about the band or the music business...what is past is passed, and we all wear the black arm bands in honor of, but life happily, as it should, marches on...hopefully to a good beat... Thanks to New Orleans for showing Us the meaning of hope...and thanks to the old guard for showing the same dull move, you know the one that never works? Art band that said old guard wishes they were in so bad that they wish importance upon it? Check! No matter what you crutches all dream up, Led Zep is still a 100 times better! Go Zep! Go Team! Rock on! Long Live the Mighty SP! And... Thank YOU for showing up! And yes, I mean YOU :) lovingness, happiness, BC |
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| Jimmy's blog |
[Dec. 5th, 2007|02:51 pm] |
Greetings, I hope these words find you all at peace.
First I'd like to thank everyone for their prayers and energy. It was well received and I'm feeling much better. The tour was a rock rampage and now we are back in the studio recording some songs for a possible release worldwide.
Look for these around the first of the year. Busy Bees !
I wish all a Happy Holiday and a productive 08! |
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| Blog by Jeff |
[Nov. 28th, 2007|07:51 pm] |
As I write this, I'm listening to a live version of "A Love Supreme" recorded at the 1965 Antibes Jazz Festival. According to AllMusic, this was the only time that Coltrane and his band played it in concert. Needless to say, the playing is phenomenal. So good in fact, I'm having a very difficult time thinking about the task at hand: writing this blog.
Things are very quiet right now and we're all enjoying a bit of rest before we head back to Europe early next year. There really isn't much to report, so I'd just to say thank you to everyone who has come out and supported us over the last 7 or 8 months. There are so many great memories swimming in my head right now that I know it will take me years before I can sort through them all. To have been given the opportunity to grow both as a musician and as a person is something that I will cherish and value for a long time.
To return Coltrane for second: Even if I practice 24-hours a day for the rest of my life I will never come close to being to able to play like Coltrane, Davis, Malmsteen, or Van Halen. However, I don't find that discouraging at all. Besides notes, phrasing, technique, or anything else you might glean from these players, what I try to take away from them is their complete devotion and dedication to their instruments and to their music. I've barely been home a week and I'm already looking forward to playing with the band again.
See you in Europe,
Jeff |
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| Lisa's blog |
[Nov. 20th, 2007|12:21 pm] |
Hello friends!
Thank you all for the warm birthday wishes. Some of you even shouted them out in the middle of the show last night! How sweet! To celebrate my b-day and the end of the American tour, we had a big sushi dinner at Nobu. It was great to have some quality time together before the big break.
Speaking of which, we will be home for almost 2 & 1/2 months. Seeing as I haven't been home for more than 5 days at a time since April, there will definitely be an adjustment period. However, I think we are all ripe for some rest and replenishment.
At last night's Dallas show, it really struck me how much we have all grown since April. Musically, we have taken lots of chances, turned arrangements inside out, memorized 70 songs or so. I have had a ball and I look forward to making more music together in 2008!
 Here are some pics from the Orpheum Theatre shows in Boston. . .
The spaceship has landed!
Heavy Metal Machine!
 
My father took this pic when he came to see us in Boston. | Ginger, me and friends causin' trouble in the hotel lobby!
Jimmy rockin' Red Rocks, Colorado
 
Good times at the airport | Doug, the crazy man behind the cart, is our tour manager. He is obsessed with baseball and his diet consists of crispy crème donuts and oreo cookies (don't forget the milk). The stuffed animal, Mr. Barkley, was not injured in the filming of this event.
Meeting of the minds
Keep it rockin!
Lisa |
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| Life is good (Ginger blog) |
[Nov. 14th, 2007|11:29 pm] |
That's what I'm feeling right now as I sit in the Austin airport writing this blog. I feel really blessed to be able to play in this band and be able to play music most every night. Yesterday's show was great. The weather was amazing and the sound was good. It was a great crowd, too. Everyone in the band also seemed to be in great spirits. Austin is a great town with great people. It's no wonder Explosions in the Sky are from Austin.
 Me and Munaf from Explosions in the Sky taking an artsy photo  Me and Esteban with Explosions in the Sky We have had such a great time being on tour with those guys and we miss being on the road with them already. They are such a great band and the most down to earth group of guys I've ever met. I am happy to know that we will be friends for years to come. When we arrived 2 days ago here in Austin, Munaf from Explosions came and picked Jeff and I up from the hotel and took us around town. He showed us the Explosions headquarters and then we all went out for Indian food! It was a amazing. Afterwards, we hit up the downtown area and hung out till the wee hours of the night. We had a blast.
Well, besides Austin, I've had a great time in seeing friends in Boston, Philly, Nashville, Atlanta and of course Vegas. It's fun to be able to visit friends that are scattered throughout the country that I normally wouldn't be able to visit if I weren't on tour. It has been a bit of a rock/friend visiting tour for me, which is great. As this leg of the tour comes to an end, I am happy about how tight we've gotten as a band and of all that we've accomplished this year. I am also excited to go home for the holidays and to be with friends.
Life is good.
Some more recent photos.
On a roadtrip to our show in Columbia, SC
  Mall of America A street corner band in New Orleans
Me in front of Cafe Du Monde
Home of Chickoree coffee and binets, mmmm |
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| Travel Blog from Jimmy |
[Nov. 14th, 2007|11:28 pm] |
The band is currently awaiting their flight to return to the rescheduled shows in Atlanta, GA and were kind enough to check in quickly from the airport!
From Jimmy:
I'm feeling much better. I would like to say thanks to everyone for their letters, prayers and patience and to apologize to those who are going to miss the shows. Hopefully we can make it up to you somehow.
JC
Ginger kicks back waiting for her jet
Adam, our chef surfing for recipes!
Jeff Schroeder reading Plato
 Also, Billy being the patriotic American that he is, was searched at the airport! Here's my ticket for my flight today...i got searched because I am a threat to all...Luckily the entire band made it and is now safe in Atlanta. |
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| Ribbit Ribbit |
[Nov. 14th, 2007|11:23 am] |
 If you were paying attention in the last 24 hours, then you know that The Smashing Pumpkins had a welcome blast from the past in Austin last night. None other than dear friend Jimmy Flemion of The Frogs joined us on stage at the Backyard for the 2nd encore.
After the experience, Jimmy Flemion himself had a message he would like to share:
To my dear friends Billy and Jimmy, my heartfelt thanks for last night. I am honored to play with suchexceptional musicians. Your devotion to music has inspired many. Best of luck on the rest of the tour.
Love, Jimmy
 Billy Corgan had something to say about the experience himself: There are few people in the world as talented at Jimmy Flemion. It was great to see the fans embrace him on our stage and end what was a great show with a Frogs all-time classic. Jimmy tore the house down!Flemion joined Billy Corgan and Jimmy Flemion to play The Frogs' own "I Only Play For Money" and The Beatles' "Taxman" before ending the show with "Disarm" by the Pumpkins themselves. For more information on the Frogs check out the following links. www.thefrogsarchive.com | www.myspace.com/thefrogs
Photos courtesy of SP.com member Iolite |
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| Words Iz Cheap |
[Oct. 11th, 2007|05:53 pm] |
 There was a moment in time once where I would welcome any opportunity to speak my piece, my heart, if only to rip it from my breast and toss it to your table bloodied and torn, declaring wildly 'look, how gloriously it beats to it's own drum! Even I can't control it's passions and delusions and murmurs'…but these days words iz cheap, and any 'ol chump can throw 'em round like darts…(a blab has become a blob has become a blog)…and just like the sci-fi movie from the 50's "The Blob", no one can figure out how to kill it or simply outrun it…we all just stand here transfixed, gaping at the lack of consciousness of something so unwilling to negotiate, it's only obvious intention seems to be a desire to absorb all in it's path…so with that, with what's left in my mind, I sacrifice these words to the gaping maw of The Void…
I love my country…I love it so much, I'll say it twice…I LOVE this country!!...today i am in Columbus, Ohio, and everything about Columbus has everything to do with what I love about America: the collisions of architectures idealistic and functionally gaudy…the lone characters who climb out of treetops and caves and still retain their sense of home…everywhere that I look here I am reminded of other battles and beliefs that now seem forgotten, yet their symbols still blow their horns in silent reverie because that's all they know how to do…like children waiting for a dad to come home who won't ever come home because he has run off to Trinidad with his secretary…(Uncle Sam has moved down to his timeshare!) But I want him to know I still love him so, and his once glorious charge…that commission is what my uncles died for, and what haunted my grandfather so that he drank himself to death, that feeling of hope and coldness that is America…Walt Disney knew enough to dress it up fancy in sentimentalism to try to keep it warm, but even he tried to outrun it and tackle the coming urban blight with what his EPCOT Center was supposed to be…high technology as a new kind of centering religion…Disney devotee's are still comfortable with his pirate ships, but many forget he also realized that we also need a safe harbor to enjoy our cozy memories from…and unfortunately he too died before he could complete that vision of a 'City of Tomorrow'...so no safe harbors here…
 So from this snow globe that I shake up for you I'll try to beam out what goes on back in here…having started this particular journey of The Good Ship Pumpkin way back in November of 2005, I've now had maybe 2 months off total since then…I am not complaining because I love the work, but I am pretty exhausted day after day…however it is the Spirit of the good fans who travel so far to give us that love really lifts me back up…with much help from God…so my Spirit is strong, and I am happy to report that the band is playing beautifully presently, and as a unit is fully committed to not wasting your time with vague intentions…I am also happy to report that we have been able to, over the course of the last 5-6 months, address all the eras of the group quite faithfully, so that there now feels like there is a harmonious balance between Zeitgeist and the previous musical periods…nothing feels like it is being sacrificed against a new whole…of course, some songs don't apply to this, but this has more to do with their inconsistency against the energies of the times we are in than in the foundational energies of Zeitgeist…it makes me very happy we have been able to accomplish this in so short of a time… 
Sometimes after shows I like to stop and talk to fans, to hear what they are feeling and what they want, and maybe even see what they need…in Detroit a few nights ago, a fan kept yelling at me 'Billy, more Siamese Dream, more Siamese Dream!'…of course I asked him my favourite question, 'why' and he said, 'because it's the best!'…what I think he really meant is 'it's my favourite album and I came here hoping to hear you play more of those songs'…to his credit, he was young and probably didn't get the chance to see 'ol SP on that tour back in 93-94…so I respect that…(in fact, I respect all fans opinions, even when I may disagree strongly with them, which I often do)…I respect that he may have come in the hope to hear us play his favourite songs, and triumphantly be the band he wants us to be…but as I said the other night to the same audience in Detroit that this young man was in, 'this is not a reunion tour'…
The question I ask is when does the past begin to dictate our future?…if one was to listen to Siamese Dream from a particular perspective, you might hear me at age 25 or so struggling with how to escape my past! How ironic that that same struggle should now become part of my current struggle for autonomy…the current SP is designed to live on happily, strongly, proudly, and boldly…there is no other way that I can see to water the flowers properly…we choose life, and the love of the moment for the song we choose to sing…
I believe God talks to me at each and every moment of my life, the only problem being that I don't listen…God does not want any of us to be unhappy, or to mourn for that which has no meaning…thanks to digital media, many of us can and will be remembered in perpetuity by an unseen future, but they probably won't bother to watch…my guess is our images and sounds will seem as archaic to them as images and sounds from the beginnings of the 20th century sound to us now…so fighting for the preservation of values that don't matter now and will matter even less down the road seems a sad waste of energy…I am happy to be a warrior of light and universal logic if I am fighting for the good in us…sentimentalism in and of itself is a form of death…sentimentalism in the context of preserving that which meant something to our ancestors and therefore is encoded secretly in our dna is something I am raptuous about…if God is love is truth, than you are that to me…SP stands at the center of my musical truth, and mirrors how god stands for me in the center of all truth…I would hope we can faithfully copy that paradigm, and always stay focused on what really matters…we may not always be what you want, but we do have what you need!
B C |
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| Geetings from Jimmy Chamberlin |
[Oct. 1st, 2007|09:26 am] |
Greetings. I hope this finds you well and happy. As you know we have been on tour for some time now. It has been quite a journey and I can't tell you how proud I am of the band. From where we started in a little room in LA, to rehearsals in Chicago, to the first show in Paris, to headlining the Reading festival! And it hasn't stopped. The band continues to improve on a nightly basis. The band is becoming one with itself. Finding its soul if you will. And all of these things are adding up to a new future of Pumpkin Music and lots of it. Billy and I are constantly brainstorming about our future in the band. It is a strange time in the music business and a strange time in general. But it is also an exciting time; a good time to be alive. The future will present itself with some challenges. Those who can adapt will succeed. Those who don't will remain tethered to anachronistic ideals and will suffer terrible consequences. We intend to be part of the former.
On a more current tip, we played Red Rocks last night and by all accounts it was a great show. The fans showed up in force and a good time was had by all. We are finding that the younger audiences really respond well to the new material and the kind of stretching out we do on songs like, SuperChrist and Heavy Metal Machine. This is very encouraging to us as it tells us that the things we are attracted to as artists are relevant to listeners as well. The time is fast approaching when real music will be played by real people for real people like you to listen to!
Speaking of artists, I have been listening to a lot of music these days. Namely John Coltrane, Thelonious Monk, Tony Williams Lifetime, Lee Morgan, Mulgrew Miller, Deep Purple, Rainbow, Captain Beyond, as well as watching tons of old Jazz videos. Anything I can get my hands on that isn't strapped to some sort of conventionalism. I've been studying the life and career of Coltrane. I've been trying to insert his dedication to music and truth into my own life. It's certainly not easy but well worth it as it not only makes me a better musician. It makes me a better husband, father, friend, etc. Being on tour you find yourself with a lot of time to kill and I feel that the best use of that time is practicing and studying music. Like Coltrane I have found that when I have my music straight, the rest of my life follows easily.
But it's not all work work work for JC. A man has to spend some time "off grid" once in a while. I've been going out here and there and having some fun. I got to throw out the first pitch at an Arizona Diamondbacks game last week. Talk about nerve-racking! I was more nervous than I have ever been before a show. I got NO practice and just had to walk out to the mound and throw a strike. Now I played baseball my whole childhood and into high school, but never in a major league stadium! So out I marched to the mound (all the way to the rubber, 60' 6"!), and heaved one home. The whole time I'm thinking, "Don't bounce it in or that's what you'll be remembered for, not music!" All went well. I didn't choke and I was able to hold my head high as we watched the D'Backs lose to San Francisco.
GO CUBS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I also have had the recent honor of being on the cover of Modern Drummer. Ever since I was a little drummer I have thought of MD as the pent ultimate achievement. I use to look at my heroes on that magazine and think that someday, if I practice hard enough..................
So check it out. It's a good rant on the state of affairs and has some good Zeitgeist stories as well as some beautiful photos of yours truly taken by the illustrious Kristin Burns. It's the third cover for me but it's always exciting. Remember that anything is attainable. The whole of your life's dreams are alive in your heart waiting for you to set them free.
Love, Jimmy
Some Photos to go along with this blog:
Some cats in Greece!
Me in Greece
a not so friendly protest outside of my hotel......................... In Greece!
Cat in Istanbul!
A Peregrine Falcon visits one of my bird feeders!
J.S. pre-show warm up!
Chemtrails over Southern California
The Spaceship lands at Red Rocks!!!!!
What JC does for fun!!!!!!!!!!!!
And more fun!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ciao!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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| Throwing Balls, Dropping Pucks, and the JLAM |
[Sep. 26th, 2007|12:57 pm] |
Greetings friends. Today I'm writing from Vancouver, where I'm enjoying a nice day off. It's my first time here and I'm liking the city a lot. While our main reason for being anywhere is to play music, it's nice every so often to have a day off and do something non-music related. And over the last couple of weeks we've done some pretty cool things that I'd like to share with you. So sorry, there won't be any sex, drugs, and rock and roll in this blog. You'll have to wait for Ginger and Lisa's next ones for those stories! Just kidding, of course…
You'd be surprised where you sometimes have the best day off. You might think that places such as New York, Los Angeles, or San Francisco would be the best place to spend a day off, and that is often true, but it also some of the not so obvious places where the true fun takes place. For example last week we were had a day off in Phoenix, Arizona. Over the last couple of years I've been to Phoenix a bunch of times; and while I've never had a bad time there, I've never had a particularly great time either. However this was one of my best days off so far since we started touring in May. I think a lot of this has to do with where you stay and who you know. Luckily Billy and Jimmy have some very nice and generous friends in Phoenix who really made our stay there fantastic. One of these people is Bradley. He is one of the nicest guys you'll ever meet and he set up a pretty memorable night for Jimmy and I especially. He organized these two historic events in Pumpkin history and for that we are forever grateful.
If you didn't watch the Arizona Diamondbacks play the San Francisco Giants play last week you may have missed Jimmy Chamberlin throwing out the first pitch. Unfortunately I was somewhere else that night, which I'll get to in a second, so I didn't get to see it. I searched YouTube for a clip but couldn't find anything. If you have anything, please forward it to the site. But from what I heard, Jimmy's pitch was so ferocious that Barry Bonds decided to take the night off.
 While Jimmy was striking out the side at the Diamondbacks game I was on the other side of town at the local hockey arena watching the Phoenix Coyotes play the Colorado Avalanche in an early pre-season match-up. Being a huge hockey fan I was super excited just to be able to see some puck while in the middle of a tour. The morning of the game I received a call from Doug, our tour manager, and he asked me if I wanted to drop the first puck at the game. My first response was a "no way." However Doug quickly talked me into doing it and I sure am glad he did. From the minute we got to the arena the Coyotes staff treated us fantastically. Right before the game started, Chris, our production manager, and I were walked down near the boards and we got to watch the players walk out of the locker room and onto the ice. If you don't follow hockey, you probably don't know that Wayne Gretzky (the greatest hockey player that ever was) is both part owner and head coach of the Phoenix Coyotes. It was an honor to stand within ten feet of him during the national anthem. To be honest I was so nervous before walking out to center ice to drop the puck that I don't really remember much of it at all except that I tried to walk away before retrieving the puck back from Coyotes captain, Shane Doan, who former Los Angeles King and now New York Ranger, Sean Avery, named the most overrated hockey player in the NHL. I would have to disagree with Sean on this one because Shane is not only a monster player but also seemed like a really nice guy. Once again thanks to Bradley for hooking all this up.
 Now on to my final subject of this blog-the JLAM. You may be sitting there wondering what JLAM means. It stands for Jon Lemon Approved Meal. Often while on tour, time-or the lack of it-dictates how and what you eat. It isn't uncommon to arrive to a city just before you have to go to soundcheck and get ready to play. So in terms of food, you eat what you can and most of the time we eat pretty well. But when we have a day off we like to take it to the next level, and that is a JLAM. Jon Lemon is not only our Front of House sound engineer (the one responsible for making what you hear sound amazing), he is also the person we ask to find the best restaurant in town. This doesn't mean the most expensive; it means a place that passes the highest culinary and aesthetic standards that Jon over countless years of touring has devised. These meals are often so good that we talk about them for days afterward. For example, on Sunday night a couple of us went out for a JLAM at restaurant here in Vancouver called Gotham. While primarily a steakhouse, Gotham serves fish, chicken, and lamb dishes as well. The steaks there are an A+. Jon and I are still talking about them. So, if you are ever in Vancouver and you want an excellent steak, you need to go have a JLAM at Gotham. You won't be disappointed.
Thanks for indulging me and reading about this stuff. I hope I see some of you out on tour. |
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| 1st blog from Lisa |
[Sep. 17th, 2007|11:16 pm] |
Hi there! For those of you who don't already know me, my name is Lisa. I'm the chick behind the keyboards. What an amazing 4 months this has been. We have been to Europe twice, completed two residencies and are now well into the Fall US Tour. Time flies when you're a Pumpkin!
Jeff took this pic in Paris with his amazing camera
Orange Peel (Asheville, NC)
Fillmore, San Fransisco, CA.
Here's a little bit about me . . .
Fav things to do on travel days . . .
Catch some zzzzzzzs,
read sacred poetry, journal & solve sudoku puzzles.
(Billy thinks I am completely addicted but, I say I can stop anytime I want!)
Artists on heavy rotation on my IPOD right now . . .
Lots of Hendrix and Deep Purple (Jon Lord's organ solos are mindblowing!) Jeff totally hooked me up with Hendrix "Live at the Fillmore" and I am obsessed with learning the song "Power of Soul". What a huge sound Hendrix had & all three of the band members were just monster musicians!
Most memorable experience on tour thus far . . .
There are sooooo many but, I would have to say visiting the Moog keyboard factory in Asheville, NC. I was like a kid in a candy store; playing with the theramin and all of the cool effects pedals. Anyways, I went there with Billy just to "check out" the factory and I went home with their brand new Minimoog Voyager keyboard!! I just had to have it!
Here we are at the factory
Checkin out the cool toys!
This is the keyboard. Isn't it beautiful?
Here are some more highlights . . .
Scotland was beautiful!!
Vegas, baby! We had a great show at the Pearl Theatre
Jeff, the "dancing machine" @ Moon, Las Vegas.
Backstage after a great show at the Pearl Theatre
Backstage, keepin' the boyz in check!
Talk to you soon friends : )
Peace and love, Lis |
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| 1st blog from Ginger |
[Sep. 7th, 2007|10:01 am] |
 What a jam packed few months it has been for us here at the Pumpkin camp. We went from playing a two week residency in San Francisco, to doing a video in LA, to the Virgin Fest in Maryland and then went off to our second European tour for 3 weeks.
I am currently on a plane going to Chicago from my small town in California called Los Angeles. Maybe you've heard of it? Anyway, although it has been very busy around here, we have not lacked in good times and adventure.
This European tour was a lot different than the first. We had a lot more time to explore and meet up with old friends. Reading was particularly fun for me as I ran into a lot of my friends who were playing, too. I got to see my friends in the Cold War Kids, Funeral for a Friend and the Used. I also ran into my friend Aaron, who informed me that he has been playing in NIN for the passed few years, who knew!?
  
Our show that night was so fun, probably one of our favorites so far. The crowd was amazing and there was a lot of energy on stage. I went to Reading as a fan a few years ago and it was awesome to experience the festival with my friends. Going back this time as the headliner was surreal, to say the least. I definitely don't take that for granted.
Our next stop was Greece, where as you may have heard, there was a national disaster. There were horrible fires throughout the entire country and over 50 people died. We were booked to perform in Athens and still arrived, when we found out that the show was cancelled due to the fires. We all feel very sorry for the devastation and loss of those who were affected by the fires. We are also sad to have not been able to perform, but we hope to be able to come back someday.
While we were in Greece, I was able to see the Parthenon and eat Greek salads. Both were amazing. Some of us also took a day trip to Delphi to see where the Oracle once lived. It is pretty fascinating to some of us history nerds to see such incredible historical sites.
Our last stop of the European tour was in Istanbul. I have always wanted to go there and it didn't disappoint me at all. It was gorgeous and we had a great time. Well, we are about to land and Billy and I are betting to see what time we think we will land. He always seems to win at these guessing games, but we'll see what happens!
See you soon!
ginger
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| Blog #2 - San Francisco |
[Jul. 20th, 2007|08:40 am] |
Greetings from the Pumpkin bubble. It's been a fun and busy last couple of weeks, and I'm sorry that I haven't been able to check in more often. I'll try to be better about that.
I think everyone in the band would agree that the first residency in Asheville, NC was a tremendous success on multiple levels. The people of Asheville-and all of those who traveled from distant places-completely happened their hearts and ears to us, and for that we will be forever grateful. So far, San Francisco has been a lot of fun as well. However, the energy here is much different than Asheville. Not better or worse, just different; it will be exciting to see what happens here as we get farther into the shows.
Some of you might be wondering what exactly we are do during these residencies. A typical day might go something like this: After we wake up, each us works individually in our hotel room-writing songs, working on guitar/bass/keyboard/drum parts, etc. After that, we head to the venue and practice for three or four hours. During these practices, we might work on something that didn't go well the night before, work on a new song Billy wrote in the morning, or just jam on new ideas. When we finish practicing, we usually have a few hours to ourselves before we have to get ready for the show, which on most nights lasts about three hours. It definitely isn't uncommon for us to play a song during the show that Billy wrote in the morning. So what you see during the show is a band actually creating and trying new things. I think we all feel it is a blessing to spend the whole day playing music, and I can't think of a better way to make strong musical friendships than playing together as much as possible.
After last night's show, Ginger and I, along with the War Tapes, headed out to Popscene to end the night. We had a blast, and I want to say thanks to Nako for treating us so well. The kids in the War Tapes are just wonderful, and I'm excited to see them rock tonight. If you have a chance, check their stuff out. You won't be disappointed.
OK, we're to Santa Cruz today to play one show out of the city. See you soon!
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| Europe, Video and Asheville - Blog from Jeff Schroeder |
[Jun. 23rd, 2007|01:30 pm] |
Asheville, NC – Thanks for tuning in. The last couple of months has been a real exciting time for both the band and me personally. Recently, someone in the Pumpkin family decided that it would be a great idea if a band member contributed a blog to the website in an effort to give all the internet people out there a closer look into the day-to-day experiences of band struggling to combat the unknown forces of "the road." For some reason, it was quickly decided that the person would be me (I guess that's what going to graduate school gets you…). So throughout the duration of the tour I'll be sharing stories, events, photos and all other types of nonsense that you might find interesting. Since we have a lot of ground to cover, I'll get right into it.
I think I can speak for all involved when I say that our recently completed trip to Europe was successful on multiple levels. We had a lot of fun together and did our best to bring the rock each and every night. While all of the shows were great and unique in their own way, there were some definite highlights. One stand out moment was the addition of Uli Jon Roth to the line-up for three shows in Germany. If you don't already know, Uli Jon Roth replaced Michael Schenker in the Scorpions and played with the band from 1974 to 1978, helping the band move out of their Kraut-rock roots and become the shuffle producing machine that they are known for today. His playing on these early Scorpions recordings is simply phenomenal and his influence within the rock guitar community goes largely unnoticed. But once you listen, you'll realize that his playing is beyond world class and on par with more recognized guitar players such as Ritchie Blackmore. I'd like to hear what Yngwie Malmsteen would have sounded like if there was no Uli Jon Roth. Besides being a great musician, Uli shared his beautiful soul with us, and for that we're all quite thankful. For a few shows after he left, Billy and I would just look at Uli's spot on the stage and acknowledge his spirit.
After a month of rocking in Europe, on Wednesday morning we got on a plane and flew from London straight to Atlanta to film a video for "Tarantula." I don't want to give too much away, but I will say that making the video was a blast, and all of the extras involved really made it a special moment that I think you're going to enjoy.
After making the video, we jumped in a van and began making trek to Asheville, NC. For about a minute, we all of got nostalgic about the days of touring in a van, and to make the moment even more authentic, we stopped for dinner at Cracker Barrel just outside of Atlanta. The food was amazing, and we all tested our intelligence playing the wooden-triangle-with-holes-and-golf tees-game. If you don't know what I'm talking about, I'm sorry; and it's much too complicated to explain. But let me say this, we found out that our rhythm section, Jimmy and Ginger, are the most intelligent members of the band. We arrived in Asheville late Thursday night/early Friday morning. To protect the feelings of our driver, I'll just say that we made safe. I won't mention anything about the dirt roads that take you from Atlanta to Asheville.
On Friday morning, a bunch of us took to the streets of downtown Asheville to have a look around. According to BC, it only took about 30 seconds for someone to ask him if we wanted some "PB"-pure bud. Awesome. But it only gets better, a few moments after that, while walking down the street, someone else asked Billy if he would take a photo with his monkey sock (or something like that).
But in all honesty, the people that we've met in Asheville have been wonderful, and we're just as excited to be here as they are to have us.
Talk to you after the show. |
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| Message from the band |
[Jun. 23rd, 2007|01:25 pm] |
Dear Friends,
Hello from the Mighty SP!
We are just arrived from Old Europe, and would like to send heartfelt thanks to all the fans who saw us play over this last month...the shows were truly memorable, and we are ever indebted and so very grateful for such a warm welcome back...
A few words then from us then about our 9 show residency in Asheville, and the 13 show stand at the Fillmore in San Fransico...our stated hope for playing so many shows in a fixed locale is to foster an environment of creativity, risk taking, and mutual community...to attempt to find some new forms (musically and aesthetically) that will point us future forward...this means playing songs not yet written, digging thru some forgotten ones, and a whole lot of rehearsing during the days ahead so the nights will be filled with chance...we hope that each of these performances can be a great adventure, and look fully to capture the spirit of the moment, wherever we all may be...
Also, a clear declaration of our new open-source taping policy...everyone is welcome to tape at our shows in whatever capacity they see fit...anyone is welcome and invited to document using audio, video, or picture cameras (cell phones are welcome)...although we do reserve the right to refuse anyone at anytime (especially if we feel the reason for recording is not for entirely altruistic)...God bless
BC 6/23/07 |
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| From BC |
[Feb. 7th, 2007|09:07 am] |
The Smashing Pumpkins
6th album
'Zeitgeist'
07.07.07 |
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| 2007 (from billy) |
[Jan. 2nd, 2007|09:18 pm] |
Dear Beautiful Souls,
Happy New Year to you! May 2007 prove to be a blessed year in every respect and every way...I send you every ounce of love I have in my heart...May the grace of Mother be with you...This year for us will see a new album of songs and a world tour of tears, and we truly look forward to playing again for fans young, old, and missed...So yes, tunes are being dusted off, while others are being asked to kindly submit to an upstart millennia and all it's asking...In our daily prayers, we send out the signal that all who should hear us come forward and be seen, and by extension, heard...when we opened the lid on this music box, we were pleasantly suprised at the music that played: familiar yet unknown, welcoming but not sentimental...and that is all we can ask...God has absolutely blessed us in every respect...for many years there were private laments about opportunities missed and hearts so broken, but no more...we have turned the page and moved on, from places and faces, names and games...this age calls for resolve and certitude, and the fire within to burn ever bright...if that fire should be connected to absolutely deafening guitars, thundering drums, and the melodies of snakes, then so be it! We love you! If you are meant to be with us, find us!! We have need, and our arms are ever-open...although I can say definitively we don't need jugglers...but we do need ???? (what?) what do we need!
With a smile and a wink,
billy corgan |
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| Jimmy's Love Letters .6 |
[Nov. 30th, 2006|09:49 am] |
Hello again!
I hope everyone enjoyed their holiday. We have been very busy carving up the sonic landscape with oceans of guitars and a sea of fuzz bass. We are four songs deep and about a hundred guitars in! Every day is a little louder and every night is a little darker! Last night for instance, we were working on a song...a very beautiful simple song we had been playing since we got back together. A song that was never questioned because of its poignant simplicity. Suddenly, Billy looked up and said that he thought we should try to find something else in the song. A different feel. A new approach. Something besides drums, bass and guitar. We had Bo' (our assistant) bring in an old organ to see if that would change the vibe. Instantly the song was transported to a new place . A place of symphonic majesty that made us all smile.
It's really moments like these that make it all worth it.
Sometimes you just have to ask the question...........
At any rate, it sure was nice to play something quiet for a change!
JC
Photo Credit: BC |
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| Jimmy's Love Letters .5 |
[Nov. 15th, 2006|01:03 pm] |
Hello all! A quick update. We are moving along nicely in the studio. BC pulled off a magnificent guitar symphony last night and it is still ringing in my ears this morning. Eight guitars resonating in one big harmonic handshake! And the drums...........of course! Yes, things are sounding great my friends. Today we will be working on vocals and solos, tomorrow, who knows. We are channelers. Sonic students.
Thanks to everyone who has sent in artwork.
You are brilliant!
Love, jc. |
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| Jimmy's Love Letters .4 |
[Nov. 3rd, 2006|12:59 am] |
Hello again my friends. I hope this finds all of you well! We have been working day and night in the studio and I am happy to say that the drums are finished! After almost a year of work, to finally sit down and listen to the drum takes, one after another, was a truly joyful experience. I can honestly say that this has been one of the most musically satisfying and spiritually rewarding trips I have ever been on. And what a long strange trip it's been! Our music has pulled us ever closer to the Heart and the Heart is beating true. We are moving closer to the light now, so about halfway there. I hope you can join us 'O Children of the Sun' Love, JC
p.s. We would like to thank The Grateful Dead, Rush, Billy Thorpe for their guidance in this hour of need.
photo:kristin burns |
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| Jimmy's Love Letters .3 |
[Oct. 26th, 2006|08:29 pm] |
Greetings! Just a quick note to say that things are still in orbit around Planet Pumpkin. Almost finished with drums and then we're cutting BC loose to work his magic. Its great to see a bit of light at the end of a long musical tunnel. I definitely feel proud and privileged to be a part of this journey. I hope you are ready........... We are! JC |
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| Jimmy's Love Letters .2 |
[Oct. 20th, 2006|02:14 pm] |
Greetings and salutations! Its been a hectic week for JC as we have been tracking drums non stop. Things are sounding fantastic. Tracking drums is a bit like going to another planet for four or five or nine minutes. We recently finished up working with Roy Thomas Baker, (Queen, The Cars!), Working with RTB was not only an honor, but also one of the best musical experiences we have ever had. We are currently working with Terry Date (Pantera, Soundgarden!) and that is going great as well. The universe has a way of letting you know that things are right by introducing people like RTB and Terry into the fold. It..s all part of one big cosmic journey, in so that everyone reading this is hitching their silver chord to the Great Pumpkin Space Train! Hope this helps clear some things up for you. Don't forget to cast your eyes skyward this weekend.... You may see a shooting star. Love JC |
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| Jimmy's Love Letters |
[Oct. 18th, 2006|04:37 pm] |
Greetings from Pumpkinland! Sorry it's taken so long to write! I'm here to tell you that great things are on track for the future. As some of you know we are indeed creating music again. Music that comes from a place so pure it will burn the lies off the very souls of those who try to discount it. We have arrived at a place in our lives where truth and honesty prevail and we are creating from that place. I will try to keep these love letters short and frequent as we welcome you back to a place that rocks! Love JC |
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| SP Blog |
[Oct. 17th, 2006|06:00 pm] |
JC's 'Pearl of Wisdom' blog coming soon...straight from the heart of the studio to you. |
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| Back From the Dead |
[Feb. 20th, 2006|02:24 pm] |
I'm sure you are all well aware of my unpredictable behavior by now with my random disappearances, but I have once again returned. Although I do leave for long spurts of time, I always come back, and I promise you I will always come back with a fucken bang! Just trust me this once and you shall soon see what I have in store for all of you.........
love/bc |
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| Patience, patience.... |
[Dec. 11th, 2005|11:37 pm] |
The surprise I have in store for you all will be announced soon enough....hold on to your horses. Afterall, good things surely comes to those who wait....Don't you just love the suspense? :)
Love,
bc |
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| Cowboy Bill Back in Action! |
[Dec. 8th, 2005|11:48 pm] |
Hello everyone!
I have finally returned to myspace to check up on things. How is everyone doing? I have been away for some time now working on some very exciting things to come! I will be back to update more on things soon! Be good!
bc |
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| Following the Moon (1974) |
[Jul. 1st, 2005|11:43 pm] |
On a particular cool night, I am making my usual trek to the liquor store to buy my step-mother cigarettes…she has given me a $20 bill, which to my 7 year old mind is a tremendous amount of money…the moon is full, and as always when it is, I feel the call of the wild in my bones…the clean air fills my head, and for the first time in my life I consider running away…of course, there is nowhere to go, no one to see…I imagine I can live for a little while on the 20 bucks, but of course will have no way to get any more money once it runs out…I figure the best place to live would be under an overpass bridge, but I will have to figure out where to get some blankets…I walk particularly slow, weighing each aspect of my decision with each step I take…the situation at home is so utterly toxic to my nerves that I cannot possibly stand another night…it is a rare moment where I only think of myself, leaving my younger brother and anyone else I love completely out of the question…there is no one to be seen on my walk thru the back alley behind the stores, it's just me and the possibility of leaving for good…I come to figure that I will probably be caught, and will only get beat worse when I do…I have come to be used to the beatings, they are fairly regular now, it is just the waiting for the beatings that drives me insane…the pregnant pause between the release of the impacted energy thru violence and the long sweep of the tide out, till all is still…then, a faint rumble as it heads back into my direction, and the numb roar that comes up thru the floor, until fists meets temple, and the cycle is complete…
I have learned the fine art now of judging what is expected of me when I am being beat…it takes a keen ear to detect if the desired result is one of the following: submission, capitulation, confession, or negation…sometimes when I am being beaten down, the desired result appears to be tears, a bleating “no more, no more”, until the monster is satisfied…in stark opposition, sometimes the desired result appears to be to stop me crying, until a numb pall falls over the scene…as she beats me, she repeats over and over again “stop crying, stop crying you piece of shit”, and the formula reads that once you do the beating will stop…I learn the fine art of giving her whatever she desires, if only to feel that I am the one ultimately in control…
On a visit to my maternal grandmothers, I am up in my aunt's apartment, sitting on my haunches in the corner, staring at a curio case full of porcelain figures…I think calmly through the things that plague me, which at this age are that I hate cigarette smoke, and I don't like anyone to see me cry…I make two decisions in that moment I remain faithful to till this day…one, I will never smoke cigarettes, such is my hatred of the smell (I have still never smoked a cigarette in my life)…and two, that I will never cry for any reason (I would estimate that I have cried just 6 or 7 times in my entire life since that moment, the circumstances usually so overwhelming that I cannot override the feeling---my mother's funeral, absolute betrayal, the Pumpkins last show)…
So when I am beat now, if the desire seems to be to make me cry, I learn a sort of fake sob, dramatized to heighten the necessary effect…she doesn't seem to notice the difference between the fake version and the real deal, so this passes muster and therefore I never need to cry at all…
My father spends most evenings getting stoned and watching t.v…this becomes our time together, the most effective way to be in his presence is to learn to enjoy what he enjoys…for my father has little interest in what I am interested in…any attempt to get him to watch a baseball game perhaps results in a waving of the hand and a dismissal of the game as “boring”…fortunately for me, my dad likes to watch things like “Monty Python's Flying Circus” and “The Midnight Special”, which was a program that featured live music from new bands…this was in many ways my first exposure to international rock music not covered by our local radio…
Since we live so close to a world class bowling facility, my brother and I often go over to hang out and watch people bowl…the bowling alley is always well air-conditioned in summer, and a toasty warm in the winter (our home is generally kept on the cold side during winter to save money)…after a time, our curiosity gets the best of us, and we decide that we want to try bowling for ourselves…I have about $3 dollars saved, and since the board says it costs $1 dollar to play, I figure it's enough for the both of us, with some left over to get some soda pop…we rent our shoes, and proceed to have a blast, bowling for about 4 hours…when we go up to pay, the man behind the counter informs us that we have played 16 games, and with the shoes, etc, we owe him around $18 dollars…I unfortunately didn't realize that the $1 dollar fee was PER GAME….as luck would have it, my brother had recently found a $20 dollar bill on the ground, but it is presently hidden under the couch…I convince the man to let me leave my brother as collateral, promising I will return with the money…I run quickly home, steal my brothers $20 dollars, and come back to pay the fee, purposely not telling my brother where I got the money…because if he knew the money was his, he will refuse on principle, blaming me for the oversight since the whole thing was my idea…
The pond that sits just across from our apartment becomes a place where I just go to sit and stare, a small piece of tranquility from the urban sprawl that we live amongst…I watch the men fish, pulling their dirty catfish from the water and plopping them in their white plastic buckets…I always feel sorry for the fish, with their uncertain fates, swimming around in a bucket…one afternoon, I spot a teenager I know a little bit who lives in one of the townhouses next to the pond…he is bleeding from his head, a severe gash cut right across the top of his brow…I ask him what happened, and he tells me that someone from across the way hit him with a rock…he doesn't know who didn't it, but vows revenge…the pond suddenly loses it's luster as a peaceful place to sit, so I stop going… |
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